I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
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it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
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Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
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