i was rollin on her like bob the builder
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
You've changed since you got that strap on
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
Well, he pretended he was climbing me like he was a monkey and I was a tree during sex.
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