chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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