there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
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His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
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Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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