You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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