Walking by Farrand Field is better than a porno right now.
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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