I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
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He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
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my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
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