I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
