dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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