good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
