We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
