'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.