Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
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and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
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I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.