That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.