capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
They made up a new version of "Smash or Pass" called "I would(n't) let you sit on my face" to yell at the freshman
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.