May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
23 Bosses Confess The Craziest Thing They’ve Seen An Employee Do
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
19 People Confess What It’s Like To Have Sex With Someone That Is Transitioning
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.