There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
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I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
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Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!