My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
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