Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Randomize
