She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
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at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
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She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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