I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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