Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize