i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Randomize
