grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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