BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
