loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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