My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Randomize
