I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
