I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
God gave him joint rollers for hands
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize