Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
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