i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
