just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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