I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
