we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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