What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
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