i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I have a king size bed, I guarantee multiple orgasms, and I'll give you a ride home in the morning. Respond quickly.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
