If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize