dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
