Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I need a beard to bite.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
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