I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
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We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
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I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
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