i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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