:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
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