Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
