I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
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