I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
