So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
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