Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Randomize
