I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
