I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
and she was petting her beer can
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
