ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I lost the right to judge tonight
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
