Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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