im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
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