I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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