Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
