I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
