I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Well... Chad blew off half of his hand last night. We were able to find most of it.
Randomize
