I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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