I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Randomize
