During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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