you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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