The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
my fake id says im a 34 yr old russian lady ... how is this working
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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