I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
That was before I lit my hair on fire
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
