well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Randomize
