He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
