So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
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I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
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I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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