You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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