Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I just gift wrapped bread.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
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