The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
